My Doll House

My doll house is DARK!

I had a dream last night. In fact I was dreaming while I was awake and I wasn’t making it up…if you know what I mean.

There are water rides and she needs to get back somewhere to get something. It's right on top, at the start of the ride.

It’s right there for her to see as he sometimes holds Ms. Perfect-figure-beautiful-your girl-next-door’s hand and talking to people like he has NO care in the world. He knows she’s there, but he pretends she doesn’t exist. She’s watching them, as Ms. Perfect drapes herself round him and is gaily laughing. Her friend tries to stay by her side to make sure she doesn’t break-down. But she doesn’t need her friend and she’s wondering why he’s wasting his time here.

All she needs and wants is for this to stop! All she wants is to die and never know what happened in her life. All she wants to know is WHY she has to be there to see this? Wasn’t she there when he said "I do not love you", but still his actions toward her were as if he loved her? Wasn’t it enough she was there when she went through hell and back and he was right there seeing it and asking her to "move on"? Wasn’t it more than enough when her whole world came crashing down and all he said was to 'snap out of it'?

And she wonders, why is this happening to me? Am I just another one of them, you hear about who have had a heart-break? Had they loved someone SO dearly, more than life itself? Had they placed the one thing that cannot be fixed - their HEART - out there and had it thrown away on the rocks and broken to million pieces. They’re no longer pieces, just shattered!

And she’s still standing there. Now her friend and Ms. Perfect are no longer in the picture. It’s only him and her. Will he say something or still pretend she doesn’t exist?

She doesn’t exist.

Before she knew its already evening and she knew this was NOT all IT. Because she’s learnt, the hard way that just when she thinks she’s hit rock bottom, God laughs in her face and tells her "and this is not even close"! She gathers her purse and walks down the stairs and sees them together again in each others arms. The pain keeps growing and the pang in the heart is now almost physical. But she can’t take her eyes off them.

She watches as she realizes they are about to be married. Ms. Perfect says she’s so happy to be married to him and falls into his arms. The same arms that she had fit in SO perfectly. Like when you fit a missing puzzle and hear the final *click*. How could THAT have been SO wrong?

As they dance slowly hugging each other in circles she stares at them. She just wants to catch his eye, but they are closed! And she wonders, is he happy? But she still stares at him, un till he finally faces her with his eyes open. Were his eyes a little red and was he in tears? Is he hurting too! Could it be? Could it be that he feels it too? Yes, blueberry muffin it’s you and me together!

She decides she’d been reading signs and has always been wrong, it seems. Why else would she be sitting there with her heart trampled on then? She decides this time she is not going to read something else into what is not.

She gets up and begins to walk toward the door. Ms. Perfect calls out “thank you for everything”! She never looks back or says a word. And maybe she never will again.

The next day someone came to take her things.

She walks into the place and there are many doors. Her friend tries to keep up with her in the crowd. But she finally manages to loose him and she keeps walking….

Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Yeah...

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You gave me a reason for standing still

It's falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left?
Will you take what's left?
Will you take what's left of me?
Running in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?

- NICK LACHEY