My Doll House

My doll house is DARK!

I had a dream last night. In fact I was dreaming while I was awake and I wasn’t making it up…if you know what I mean.

There are water rides and she needs to get back somewhere to get something. It's right on top, at the start of the ride.

It’s right there for her to see as he sometimes holds Ms. Perfect-figure-beautiful-your girl-next-door’s hand and talking to people like he has NO care in the world. He knows she’s there, but he pretends she doesn’t exist. She’s watching them, as Ms. Perfect drapes herself round him and is gaily laughing. Her friend tries to stay by her side to make sure she doesn’t break-down. But she doesn’t need her friend and she’s wondering why he’s wasting his time here.

All she needs and wants is for this to stop! All she wants is to die and never know what happened in her life. All she wants to know is WHY she has to be there to see this? Wasn’t she there when he said "I do not love you", but still his actions toward her were as if he loved her? Wasn’t it enough she was there when she went through hell and back and he was right there seeing it and asking her to "move on"? Wasn’t it more than enough when her whole world came crashing down and all he said was to 'snap out of it'?

And she wonders, why is this happening to me? Am I just another one of them, you hear about who have had a heart-break? Had they loved someone SO dearly, more than life itself? Had they placed the one thing that cannot be fixed - their HEART - out there and had it thrown away on the rocks and broken to million pieces. They’re no longer pieces, just shattered!

And she’s still standing there. Now her friend and Ms. Perfect are no longer in the picture. It’s only him and her. Will he say something or still pretend she doesn’t exist?

She doesn’t exist.

Before she knew its already evening and she knew this was NOT all IT. Because she’s learnt, the hard way that just when she thinks she’s hit rock bottom, God laughs in her face and tells her "and this is not even close"! She gathers her purse and walks down the stairs and sees them together again in each others arms. The pain keeps growing and the pang in the heart is now almost physical. But she can’t take her eyes off them.

She watches as she realizes they are about to be married. Ms. Perfect says she’s so happy to be married to him and falls into his arms. The same arms that she had fit in SO perfectly. Like when you fit a missing puzzle and hear the final *click*. How could THAT have been SO wrong?

As they dance slowly hugging each other in circles she stares at them. She just wants to catch his eye, but they are closed! And she wonders, is he happy? But she still stares at him, un till he finally faces her with his eyes open. Were his eyes a little red and was he in tears? Is he hurting too! Could it be? Could it be that he feels it too? Yes, blueberry muffin it’s you and me together!

She decides she’d been reading signs and has always been wrong, it seems. Why else would she be sitting there with her heart trampled on then? She decides this time she is not going to read something else into what is not.

She gets up and begins to walk toward the door. Ms. Perfect calls out “thank you for everything”! She never looks back or says a word. And maybe she never will again.

The next day someone came to take her things.

She walks into the place and there are many doors. Her friend tries to keep up with her in the crowd. But she finally manages to loose him and she keeps walking….

Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Yeah...

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You gave me a reason for standing still

It's falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left?
Will you take what's left?
Will you take what's left of me?
Running in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?

- NICK LACHEY

Hope, is all THERE is

There's a face in the mirror, and you close your eyes
Much easier to turn away, than to take a look inside
So you're thinking it's over, walking away
Let your little world crash and burn, ooh what a price to pay
Didn't anybody tell you it's not who's right or wrong
Hold the line, is this what's going on?

Where you going now?
When your world's turned inside out
Isn't love what it's all about?
Where you going now?
When you get to the top of the hill
Gonna be there yes I will

There's a crack in the mirror, there's a hole in the sun
Full moon in the midnight sky, and you feel like you wanna run
So you blow out the candle and you turn out the light
Then you stumble into darkness - who'd believe that love is blind?
Didn't anybody tell you it's never too late to try?
Hold the line, before you say goodbye

Where you going now?
When your world's turned inside out
Isn't love what it's all about?
Where you going now?
When you get to the top of the hill
Gonna be there yes I will

Now I'm not talking about what's good for me
And I'm not saying how you ought to be
But if there is a message shining on through to you
Take a little peace of mind and let that love-light shine

Didn't anybody tell you it's never too late to try?
Hold the line, before you say goodbye

Where you going now?
When your world's turned inside out
Isn't love what it's all about?
Where you going now?
When you get to the top of the hill
Gonna be there yes I will

some things to keep in mind...

I've heard the song a million times before and never really understood what it meant. Today for some reason I FEEL Bon Jovi as he sings it. It's SO true. Why don't we all look at things the same way.. it's really simple not all that complicated!

Once upon a time not so long ago:
Tommy used to work on the docks
union's been on strike

He's down on his luck - It's tough
so tough.
Gina works the diner all day
working for her man

She brings home her pay for love
for love.

She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not.
We've got each other and that's a lot for love -
We'll give it a shot.

We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer

Take my hand and we'll make it
I swear - livin' on a prayer.

Tommy got his six string in hock.
Now he's holding in what he used to make it talk -
So tough
it's tough.
Gina dreams of running away
when she cries in the night
Tommy whispers: Baby
it's okay
someday.

We've got to hold on to what we've got . . .
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer
. . .

We've got to hold on ready or not

You live for the fight when it's all that you've got.

We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer
. . .
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer
. . .
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer
. . .

Sade

I loved this the first time I heard it and I still love it. The more I listen to it the more I choke with emotions beyond my control! What the hell, Samantha (for all you Sex & the City ignorant) is in tears when she dances with Richard for this song. It's your average 'love' song? But no it's not.

You think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you want
ha ah ah ah ah ah
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me

when you're on the outside baby and you can`t get in
i will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
i will find you darling and i will bring you home

and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think id leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you wrong
ha ah ah ah ah ah
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

Murphy's Law

The dictionary defines Murphy's Law as 'Any of certain humorous axioms stating that anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong'. As I ponder over this definition I wonder - in life, no matter how hard you have tired all that time and effort and more you have put in for something, and it backfires *bhoom* Is that supposed to be humorous and is that an universial truth?

God has a way of playing games and most of the time its sick! Life's humour is anywhere close to funny!

Sheryl Crow and Alanis Morissette! These two can literally say it best! It's difficult to award the most 'eloquent' !

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think
Chorus

It's like rain on your wedding day (I always thought that on my wedding, I'd trip and fall over my gown)
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...'
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think
Repeat Chorus


Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

It's a traffic jam when you're already late It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break ( or not finding your lighter and no one around is smoking)
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...
Repeat Chorus


Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

- Alanis Morissette

Just when you begin to get comfy with life and finally accept the new found happiness which you thought never existed, like Alanis says ' Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you'. Leaves you crippled. Here's a thought, isn't it better to 'hope' you'd have it one day, than getting what you always wanted and being taken off from you? THAT will leave you crippled and no one deserves that!

What If....

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes?
Do you pray that I'd never left your side?

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

- Kate Winslet

I have always thought that some muisc always talks about the way I feel. It's SO amazing.